Thursday, November 6, 2008

vegetate on this.


someone relatively important once said something similar to "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself." perhaps this was accurate back in the day when people did not think that a time machine was possible. in this day in which the time machine is plausible, this statement is erroneous on two counts: first, we all know that clowns are to be feared. second, the greatest thing we have to fear in these times is unregulated time travel. as you might have noticed, not once did any news program mention how voters who were most concerned with unregulated time travel voted during the election. this, of course, is because everyone is so terrified of even discussing the topic. however, as we all know, it is important to approach these difficult topics through discussion, so we can vegetate on them and decide what is the best course of action. soon we will have a smart president, and he will be able to facilitate this conversation. it seems with the new administration, time travel regulation will be a top priority in order to prevent time travel terrorism, and situations in which people traveling through time have selfish motives, destroying people and things in their path. of course, as pioneers in the field, we will have the largest say in these regulations.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

"time change is very complex."




instead of wasting time worrying about current and future problems such as climate change and a collapsing economy, a colleague and i are devoting all of our educational and personal efforts to the construction of a time machine. it's science. our time machine would allow us to go into the past and the future. by traveling back into time, we could make important discoveries including what really killed off the dinosaurs, and who shot JFK. we would also be able to solve problems such as climate change, deforestation, and urbanization. finally, we could prevent such tragedies as the sinking titanic, the exploding hindenburg, and the filming of glitter and gigli. a time machine would ensure that we don't have to worry about these and other pressing issues. i'm not worried, i'm not worried at all.