Hot Tub Time Machine

Perhaps one of the most highly anticipated theories of time travel since The Time Traveler’s Wife’s emotionally exhausting (and unregulated) theory has recently been explored in the new film Hot Tub Time Machine. I know what you’re thinking – GAME ON. What could be more convenient than enjoying a hot tub dip with your friends and traveling back (or forwards, of course) in time. As perhaps the most well respected authority on time travel, our blog was specially selected to view and advanced screening of the film, and to provide some insight on their theories. After viewing the film we can guarantee that you will enjoy some laughs (seriously… I’ve seen the future...), but we wouldn’t recommend planning your future (and past) around this theory of time travel.

First, a quick overview of the Hot Tub Time Machine Time Travel Model (often referred to as H(TTM)2 in scientific papers). Three friends decide to visit a lodge they enjoyed one weekend back in 1986. When they (and a nephew) arrive everything in the lodge is completely run down – that is everything but their hot tub. While in the hot tub they spill an illegal Russian Red Bull type thing on some wiring in the hot tub. Next thing they know they are back in 1986! They appear to themselves and others as the boys they were in 1986, which means that the nephew, who was not yet conceived flickers in and out.

One character asks if they will blow up if they run into their other selves. Actually, in this version, they are their other selves. This is a different take than that of both Star Trek and The Time Travelers Wife, and while I would like to believe that this is what would happen, simple physics and mathematics show that this is strictly fantasy. However, the film does have a valid point by suggesting that there was an energy vortex similar to that of a black hole in the hot tub. We have long suggested that this is the basic understanding of time travel. Of course, we have been working on some new and exciting things that we are unable share with you at this time (although we will not be surprised if our ideas are stolen and show up as the LOST series finale).

In order to ensure that their actions back in 1986 do not affect the future, the four men decide that they have to do everything exactly the same way they did it the first time. Obviously they were right to think that their new actions in 1986 will affect the future. In fact, what some of them choose to do illustrates a perfect argument for time travel regulation. I will not get into the details (spoiler alert!) but will be happy to field any questions concerning the topic.

Hot Tub Time Machine is an inventive and entertaining portrayal of the possibilities (and obvious impossibilities) of time travel. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll hurl. For those of you who want to give the H(TTM) 2 a try, here are the steps:

1. Obtain Russian energy drink with nitrotrumedium
2. Heat hot tub to 104 degrees F
3. Spill Russian energy drink on hot tub wiring
4. At this point you should be time traveling

Of course, this won’t work. To quote one of the time travelers from the film, “I know the fucking future, douche bag,” and this is NOT how time traveling works.
In other news, the “big fucking deal” of a health care bill was recently passed. Why did so many conservatives refuse to support the bill? Maybe it was the section about health care and time travel. Our scientists (who actually supplied the research for President Obama) stand by the bill’s call for REGULATED TIME TRAVEL in order to ensure the health and safety of past, present, and future persons existing in our and other linear places in time. Fuck if I’m going to let some big company control who does and does not receive permission to travel through time.